This is the first time I've used a blogging site, I figure it is time to rethink certain aspects of my life in an attempt to improve them and this blogging tool is one of the ways to achieve this. I have found that friends have gained considerable popularity through blogging, yet underneath that is not what drives them to blog, they blog because they enjoy their topic and want to share it with the rest of us in an attempt to make others happy while reading it.
I've found that I regularly check up on my friends blog about fashion (woman's fashion), despite common thought I am not a woman, pause for laughter, yet why do I go on this blog. It's not because I am interested in maybe purchasing her clothing, it's because she has an initial hook of a topic heading that I can’t help but get drawn into and when reading the blog it comes across as if she it’s just doing it for herself and doesn't give a damn if anyone reads it.
She knows who I am talking about.
But that bares no relevance to my topic header, I write this first blog because I had a thought last night, the thought is based on my knowledge of myself and my mental state. It begins years back. three years, give or take, I am sitting in a rented house with no job and total dependency on my parents, oh by the way this was at the age of 17, no surface desire to go into education until one day my mum hands me a book, "Feel the fear and do it anyway" by Susan Jeffers. My mum is quite the sharp tack, she knew straight from the off that it was fear that was holding me back. So I read the book, followed the books teachings and wound up with a college interview, despite my underlying fear that I would somehow muck the interview up I proceeded anyway, hands twitching, almost sweating because of my nervous state. I head to the secretary’s office only to be told my interview is for 2 PM not 9AM, I being the worrier that I am start to panic, the panic is quickly put to rest when I am informed that I can be interviewed at 9. I had done it, not so much of a deal for anyone else but for myself I considered it an accomplishment at the time!
That book had taught me quite a lot, which helped me in the coming years; I was coming out of my shell more and more. For my birthday in February, I was handed another book "INFLUENCE" by Robert B. Cialdini. This book consisted of ways to find out if you are being manipulated into a way of thinking and how to counteract it. now being a person who is quite reliant on other peoples suggestions this book was an eye opener, coupled with thing one of my friends was telling me about persuasion, I found that I had been willingly taking in peoples suggestions and not formulating my own for fear of them being wrong therefore willingly being manipulated.
All this together, put into practice, allowed me to come out of my comfort bubble and do things I otherwise wouldn't have liked doing, friends noted a change in me as well. Recently I feel I've began to slip back into habits from 3 years ago and be comfortable with sitting in the house most days and playing World of Warcraft.
This brought me to last night, or this morning whatever way you wish to look at it, 5 o'clock sitting in the darkness of my room, I realized that after pushing aside all that stupid fear, I let another build up inside.
The fear of taking risks, I noticed that in the past couple of weeks I have been avoiding risks because of the possible consequences that might come my way, even though they may have a 0.001% chance of actually occurring that is enough for me to outweigh the possible good effects with that ooh so small negative.
What is it they say - acceptance is the first step towards a solution.
In closing I would like to say I wrote this entry not for the amusement of others, feel free to judge if you wish even comment. I wrote it because it will serve as a reminder, constantly there, of how boring and unsatisfying life is when filled with fear.
